Thursday, 24 April 2014

So, I thought I Might Have Figured It Out.

My last post was on my confusion on West By Train. I thought I had gotten it, or a little part of it figured out.... but I'm still kind of stuck. The story doesn't seem to be very connected now, and I'm still not sure if my new idea of Miranda having to hold back is working.


Something like this.

So, I'm asking you guys to read it for me, if you don't mind. Don't feel under any obligation, but I would appreciate it very much if you would take the time to read it and give me some tips. Thanks so much! Click here!




7 comments:

Jessie said...

I loved it!! It didn't seem disconnected to me. The part where Jonathan tells her about the war didn't seem out of place. You could delete some of the stories if you wanted, but I think it's good just how it is, too.

It actually reminded me of a couple trilogies I read a couple years ago: Orphan Trains, and its sequel trilogy, Frontier Doctor, all of them by Al & Joanna Lacy.

I love orphan stories. Yours is definitely awesome.

Molly said...

Jessie: Thank you SO MUCH for your encouragement! It means a lot! I was worried it wouldn't be clear, so thank you for your input!

Have you ever read the Orphan Train series by Joan Lowery Nixon? They're really good!

Jessie said...

No, I haven't. I'll have to look them up!

Molly said...

Oh, I have one more question, if you don't mind. Did the story seem to be missing a purpose or point? Did it need a more clear theme?

Jessie said...

No, not at all. I'll try to figure out to say it best I can...

As I saw it, the point was...acceptance (if that's the right word). She loved her father and wanted to please him and be loved back but she never got that, though she was always looking for things to prove that he DID love her. (e.g. when he tells her he's sending her away and she thinks she sees something in his eyes).

I love the part with Thad because she's treating someone else the way she's always wanted to be treated. (Did that make sense?)

Later on, she's afraid she's just a charity case, they don't love her any more than her father -- they just felt bad about leaving her alone. *Poor little orphan girl. They even gave her a nickname so she wouldn't feel left out. Aw, how sweet.* But then, in the end, she realizes that they do love her and they do actually WANT her -- they weren't just doing it because they pitied her.

The scene with Jonathon is great too, because....well, I think because he opens up to her and shows her his own hardships, even if they aren't like her own. It's like his way of telling her that it's okay to talk to him about her past and it's okay to be sad about it sometimes, and that he'll help her and love her as best he can. (Okay, that sounded a bit sappy but hopefully you get what I'm trying to say.)

And there's the smaller theme(?) of how she's trying to hold everything in, and how in the end she's able to let it go.

Ultimately, those themes are awesome because they're a sort of picture of our relationship with God. (Not that your story is an allegory or anything, but the themes mirror God's love and our struggles.)

So I hope that made sense and didn't sound too awfully silly or sappy :)

(If there's anything I mixed up, it's because it's been a bit since I read the story and I only skimmed through it really fast this time. I haven't checked my email lately so I didn't see your comment until just now.)

Molly said...

Jessie: Thank you so much for your comment! It is really encouraging to hear what you thought. I didn't think it was sappy! :) You make feel better about my story. Thanks so much for reading it and helping to shed light upon it!

Jessie said...

You're welcome!

That's awesome. I'm glad for the opportunity!